I have to admit, Monday didn't go very well. I was nervous, the kids were horrible, and I couldn't find a balance between instruction and discipline. While the kids were at Art class, during my first break, I spoke with my CT about it. She asked, "So how do you think it went?" I could tell by the sound and tone of her voice that she was probably seeing my emotions loud and clear. We talked and she suggested that I explain my expectations as soon as they get back to the classroom.
As a side note, this school is very tough for me. There are many discipline issues and honestly, I spend about 1/2 to 3/4 of the time working on discipline issues and the other 1/4 to 1/2 of the time teaching. Seriously, I am not sure how teachers work in schools like this one.
The afternoon lessons did go better and the kids were responsive to my expectations. However, as the week went on, they continued to "test" me. On Tuesday, I had a student run from me, throw a fit in the hallway, and our music teacher actually asked me if she needed to call security...FOR A 6 YEAR OLD CHILD!!! It is horribly ridiculous and I was so flustered. I was shaking and sweating. Thankfully though, the Lord was not far from me and I was able to talk him down, grab his hand and practically "drag" him back to the classroom. My CT supported my actions and called his mother and he had to sit in the classroom and miss out on Music class; I was thankful for the support and the fact that this child did not get his way.
It is hard for me to be so tough. I want to be a light in the lives of these children and positively impact them. I am working on finding a balance between it all. Every Friday my CT evaluates me and fills out an evaluation form, which we discuss together. This week my evaluation was not as great as I would hope for. I know I have so many areas that I need to improve in. I am definitely a work in progress. My CT thinks I am doing great and she is very willing to leave the room and never interject in my lessons, which I appreciate immensely. However, I am not feeling up to par completely yet and this week will definitely be telling. I will be the full-time teacher in the classroom this week. I am excited about this and also anxious. I know I will be constantly praying for guidance and wisdom.
My CT has given me several tips to start this week, specifically making sure that I reiterate my expectations of the students prior to the start of each day and the start of each lesson. These children need to respect me, the same way that I respect them; I refuse to give up.
I appreciate many prayers over the next two weeks as I strive to be a full-time leader, teacher, mentor, friend, and bright light in the lives of these children. Children who deserve to learn and be loved.